As a caregiver for my spouse myself, I shuddered when I heard about the deaths of Gene Hackman and Betsy Arakawa. Like them, my husband and I have a significant age difference. Because of that, I have a tendency to assume that I will always be here for him, to take care of whatever he needs, but seeing the news stories unraveling the timeline of Gene and Betsy’s final weeks has caused me to pause and revisit our contingency plans.
It is a caregiver’s worst nightmare to die before your loved one. Caregivers are some of the most selfless people in the world, but self care is an absolute must if we want to be there for our loved one for the long haul. We can’t go it alone. We need support, people who help keep us strong and resilient. Someone who would notice if we don’t call or email or show up for days or weeks on end.
We have a whole support team of people, both professional and personal, that keep us going and help us to feel less anxious about what’s ahead for us. Here’s just a few of them:
~ Friends and family members who check in with us frequently, who show up for us in real life
~ A stress management support group to keep us accountable for our self care
~ Medical professionals to offer care for both of our health issues
~ A spiritual director, a life coach, a counselor, and a church community who help prevent feelings of loneliness, despair and depression
~ Skilled laborers who help clean and maintain our home
~ An online prayer community who know about the day-to-day joys and challenges of our journey, who pray for us on bad days and celebrate the good ones
My husband and I still have work to do, a to-do list for our contingency plans. It gives us peace of mind to have plans for various solutions for possible future scenarios. We chip away at it, addressing one item at a time and add new things to it, new ideas as our situation shifts and changes. New people will be added to our support team list, count on it.
Caregiving is not for the faint of heart. It is not a life we sought out, but one that found us. Our life may not be what we would prefer, but it is a happy and fulfilling one. Our support team has helped make that possible.
For more tips on caregiving support and contingency planning, check out this article from Parade magazine.
Alzheimer’s Experts Suggest Caregiver Emergency Plans After Deaths of Gene Hackman and Wife Betsy
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